Trust – A Dream for Humanity

September 21, 2008

Here is a story about trust. trusting ourselves, others and God is the way to create more love and harmony in the world. Those traits are the foundation of peace in humanity.

It is a beautiful afternoon and the sun is shining down while my two friends and I are playing in a garden close to the ocean. The flowers and marble pillars give a Greek or Roman feel to the setting.

After playing for some time, we go down to the shore along the ocean. A storm begins to brew and the water is rising quickly. We begin to run inland but there is a tidal wave coming up behind us. As I look back it seems that within the crest of the wave is a panther and it’s coming after us. As we continue to run, the wave grows in height and finally we yell to each other to run different ways. My friends are on either side of me and each runs off in a different direction as I continue to run forward.

Before much more time passes, an Angel appears off to my right just up ahead of me. She seems to be floating, maybe an inch or two off the ground. She keeps the same distance ahead of me of maybe 5 or 6 feet. After a few moments, she asks if I want to help my friends and stop this tidal wave.

“Of course”, I pant.

She smiled at me and said one word, “Stop”.

“Are you crazy?” I yelled at her. “I’ll be killed if I stop!”

She smiles and continues to pace me for a few more minutes. The conversation repeats itself with one exception – I’m yelling louder and a bit more panicked.

Again, I continue to run. Each time I turn to look at the wave, it seems to be the same distance behind me but the image of the cat is more vivid.

The third time she asks me if I want to save my friends, I simply said “yes” as that is about all the air I had left to utter a sound.

“Then stop running and stand still” she said. “You’re crazy,” I told her, “that wave and that cat will kill me if I stop.”

“If you really want to help them you must stop running.”

By this time, I don’t know if I’m too tired to be afraid or too afraid to care but I take a deep breath and stop running. Another breath and get into a fighting stance with my fists up – thinking that if I have to fight I might as well be ready.

“Now what?” I yelled at her.

She just smiles. It’s almost a Mona Lisa smile that she wears, all knowing and kind, not a mocking or superior smile. Then she says, “Get down on your knees.”

Now I know I’m in trouble. “On my knees?” I shouted at her – “I’ll die!” At that moment, I had a sense that this HUGE wave was ready to crash over me yet – at the very same time – it was suspended. I realized that for all its immensity – its distance, like the Angel in front of me, never varied one inch.
I took another breath and got down on my knees with the expectation that the wave would break over my head but at least my friends would be safe. My ego had kicked in now and I was willing to die to save them. It was not until later that I realized that the Angel never said anything about dying.

“What now?” I asked.

At that moment, one of my friends came up to stand between the angel and myself. My friend seemed to be an Angel herself but smaller, younger – my size.

My friend held out one hand and the Angel took it and she held the other out to me. Upon taking her hand, the three of us were linked; it was as if I could feel the older Angel inside of me.

At that moment, my other friend came up to us. As I watched, she began to walk toward me with a small rectangular paper with a cellophane insert covering a cutout. (This was similar to the “magic windows” we would get in the cereal boxes as kids.) All you had to do is look through the cellophane and everything would be revealed.

She held it up and began to look at me through it. I started getting uncomfortable at this point, as I knew she could see my heart. She continued walking around the back of me and I immediately said “No”.

The second friend paused and the Guardian Angel asked why I wanted my friend to stop.
“Because I don’t want her to see.” I responded

“But, if she doesn’t continue you won’t be able to save your friends.” she answered.

“She just can’t,” I said.

Again, she asked me “Why?”

I was silent for a bit and finally I said, “Because she’ll see the blackness. She’ll see the blackness of my soul.” I was crying by this time, ashamed of what I knew. Ashamed of what they would see once she looked in my back where the scar was on my neck.

It was no longer a matter of not trusting those around me: my husband, my family or my friends. I did not trust God. Moreover, that would come out now. Now everyone would know. I said I believed in God. I talked about how wonderful He is in addition to all of the things He would do for you if only you would let him. But I didn’t trust him myself – and that felt black, dirty – it felt like my life was a lie.
# # #
I realized that the dream was about trusting God more than I had ever trusted Him before. I knew He would take care of others and in a way I knew he would take care of me. However, there was that “but” in there that, as long as I hung on to it, would keep me from knowing total bliss or freedom.

Epilogue – it has been well over a year since I have had that dream but I still recall the whole thing as vividly as if it had happened yesterday. It is probably because I still struggle with Trust. That that I would do…I do not. I see it more clearly now when I start to be pursued by the waves of fear and doubt but sometimes it still takes God a couple of times asking me to quiet down and “be still”.

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By Kira | Posted in Dreams, Freedom's Formula, Religion, self-help | Tagged , , , , | Comment (1)

Are you waiting to be chosen?

February 5, 2007

Have you ever ignored that “still small voice”? Particularly when it wasn’t so “still” or “small”?

I have. Today my dreams had taken me to events like – teaching someone to sing and they do great but I’m just doing the lead line of a barbershop tag, When I leave the World Behind. The lead part is “be-hind”; yep that’s it. Everyone else does the “cool” stuff. Then I’m back in HS and it’s the last day of my Senior Year and I didn’t get a yearbook – again. I’m walking around campus and as I arrive at the different booths (like a carnival) they are packing up and leaving… So I decided to take a look at a statement that has come up several times in the last 4 weeks “waiting to be chosen”.

The only time in school when I didn’t have to “wait to be chosen” for the team was when I paid to be on it. Specifically softball and gymnastics. Otherwise I was one of the last ones chosen for the team – especially if the team wanted to win.

When I began to look more closely it was a lot of images of having the opportunity to do something and opting out because it didn’t look the way I wanted it to. For example I never went to my senior prom. My boyfriend had to work that night and when my cousin offered to have her husband take me – I mean – I just “couldn’t”! And I didn’t go.

Even though I knew I could have but I only wanted to go with my boyfriend.

When I was in 4th grade I went with my mom to get new shoes; we went to Shallow’s Shoe Store – great mom and pop kind of place that always felt warm and inviting when you went in. I wanted a pair of brown suede shoes and after MUCH discussion (I REALLY wanted those cool

shoes) – over my mom’s objections she let me get them. We left the store and I hadn’t walked more than 50 feet when I stepped on a rock and split the bottom side of one of my shoes. I had to wear them that way – held together with tape and band aids for at least a month.

As I kept looking for incidents when I believed I caused harm or was harmed by going after and getting what I wanted.

Do you believe in past lives? I don’t know that I do or don’t – I’ve never seen a material proof of it :) But, I DO believe in past life parables. As I was relaxing and looking – I saw Pontious Pilot “wanting to be the ruler”, “wanting to be in charge” and ignoring what he knew (I find no guilt in this man) yet handing Christ over to be crucified.

The next thing I heard was “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

I believe that Pilot was a child of God. He was part of the plan. He paid a price here on earth for sending a man to die just like Judas Iscariot did.

To send someone to die because of what you wanted and then to be forgiven for it. Can you imagine how that feels? I think I can in part and it all came full circle in terms of waiting to be chosen.

I was chosen; for a purpose much larger than playing on a kickball team. So were you. I am only responsible to listen to that still small voice and take action without waiting for someone here to “choose” me.

That’s part of succeeding in the game of life.

Are you waiting for someone to “choose” you?

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By Kira Wagner | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)

True Purpose

August 20, 2006
  • PLAYING POKER; I’m sitting around a card table playing poker with 5 guys, I think it’s poker since I’m not really a card player. I’m dealing and for a while it’s just cards as usual, then there is something about the types or significance of the cards and betting that one person has an unusual card. It’s not betting on the hand. One or two of the guys fold their hands and for some reason one of the other guys gets up from the table to go look at something. That is when I notice that the guy on my right is tossing cards under the table and one hits my ankle. We keep playing cards. I’m watching him to see if he does it again and how he does it without anyone catching on then there is another card on the floor. I look at him and bend down to pick them up. No one is upset that he did that – it’s more of a curiosity as to why he wanted to do it. He’s talking about wanting to keep those particular cards. There is something about the deck that we’re playing with the value of certain individual cards. I don’t think he is telling the truth but one of the other guys shows me a card that the face of it is printed over – I think it was the 10 of spades. There are two columns of “white space” on the right hand side of the card. In one of the columns he’s written some kind of reference number and says that he knows this guy is telling the truth. Then we’re looking at the cards that have been on the ground – one of them has – “$1,000,000″ written on it in TINY print. There are others with similar oddities on them. These particular cards are worth a lot of money.
  • THE LOVE OF SINGING; The next thing I know is that I’m at some kind of singing competition. All of these individuals are auditioning for some production, maybe it’s a commercial but it’s a public production. There is a conveyor belt that people are standing on and as they approach the mic it’s their turn to perform. Some of them are OK singers, some could benefit from a few months of voice lessons while others are good. No one is really over the top. My sister Gloria, who is about 30 something in the dream, is the judge of who will go on to do this project and I’m sitting there beside her. I’m afraid to tell her that I really want to audition. I’m thinking how it’s not like Sweet Adelines where the timing of everyones performance has to be exact to “win”- I know I can do this. I believe that if I ask her it will put pressure on her and there is something else bothering me but I don’t know what it is. It isn’t until I DO say something that it becomes clear that I believe she doesn’t want me to be there because she wants to be able to do this on her own. There is something in the project that is about “her” and her capabilities and if I’m there I’ll just dominate the scene. Part of me understands and is trying to support her and the other part of me is struggling because I know that I can do this then I realize that it isn’t about her. It’s about just doing it and taking the chance. (My sister passed away just before her 16th birthday in 1981)
  • DRIVING THROUGH THE RAIN; Then I’m at some place where it’s raining and we’re in a building talking about driving. We have to leave the place, maybe it’s a hotel, and as I look out the window the water is rising everywhere. I don’t know if it’s such a good idea but I know we have to leave. As I’m watching I am aware that there is only one road to leave town. As people are driving they go through an area where it’s below water level. I watch as a white mini-van drives and the water is almost over the roof. It is only a short distance when it comes out the other side. Then I’m in some kind of school bus, we realize that several of the window are down and we have to close them before we get to that low spot in the road. I’m concerned because one of the windows closes from the top down because it’s not really sealed. I’m looking at the air space between the bottom of the window and the frame and the scene changes.
  • REMEMBER TO CALL YOUR MOM; The next thing I know is that I’m somewhere and I have a long coat on and in the pocket is my mom’s cell phone. We (all I know is that I’m not alone) are trying to figure out where she might be and finally I drive up to…somewhere and she is there. Somehow we had gone different ways and I had her phone in my pocket so she couldn’t call me. (My mom passed away the end of May this year)
  • PASSING THE TEST; Then I’m BACK at the building where the card game was and standing in some kind of hallway while there is one person standing at a big chalkboard writing answers to questions they are being asked. It’s a multiple choice series of questions. As each person finishes they are told how they did then they erase the board and call the next person into the room. I’m walking around still in the hall/foyer. There is a door that leads to a garage that is standing open. I see a small black convertible drive in and the car has some pink flame like decals on the sides. I go out to see whose car it is but by the time I get through the doorway the owner has parked the car and is gone. In the meantime another person I know, JN is parking her car; she gets out and uses some kind of remote control to drive it into some kind of storage area. The wall of the parking space in front of her rises and the car drives inside. She’s concerned that it will hit the front bumper so she goes in to check on it and it’s fine. I’m thinking that it’s pretty cool to have a remote control to park your car so one doesn’t have to worry about being able to get out of the car AFTER it is parked in some tight spot. I go back in the hallway because it’s going to be my turn directly. I’m standing in front of some kind of counter and looking at a decanter – actually looking through the decanter to the glowing tiles on the wall. I’m semi caught up in how the different colors and glass make patterns of light and texture as well as being aware that I can see through the door to the chalkboard where the person going before me is writing the answers to the test. I’m afraid that I won’t pass. I find myself trying to memorize their answer sequence feeling guilty because it’s cheating while at the same time knowing that it won’t help because I know their questions and mine will be different. As I walk into the room I know that the questions will be about what I owned from the movie, Peaceful Warrior, things that I’ve learned in studying Authentic Reiki (R) aka The Radiance Technique, what I’ve understood from the Bible as well as what I believe. I’m supposed to know all of these answers and I am afraid that I won’t pass the test.

So one of the reasons that it’s been so long since I’ve posted anything – I realized that since I’ve started putting these up – I believe that I’m “supposed” to have something to contribute every day. I will be letting people down if I don’t. The two nights prior to this dream have netted me a total of two pictures.

  • First one three nights ago is that I’m looking at myself crawling around on the floor with some big, thick soled shoes on and thinking about how uncomfortable those would be to walk in.
  • The second night I am sitting talking to a man in clown face make-up.

All of this after more than a week of dreams where I would wake up and not be able to come up with one word.

I’m not sure what all of this is saying yet. I know it has to do with one path – I just don’t see the whole picture right now.

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By Kira Wagner | Posted in Film, Religion, Science, Travel, Weblogs | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)

Top dogs and doing it “right”

July 30, 2006

I’m trying something new using the bullets to identify the actual dream and then the reflections are left justified. I’m hoping that it’s easier to read.

  • In the first one I’m chopping up cilantro that is covered in tomato paste and it’s making a mess and it just keeps getting bigger and bigger

It’s from the about cleaning up something and not worrying about who’s responsibility it is to do so. It’s about working as a team instead of the “who is the top dog” mentality. Also owning the saying – if I’m not part of the solution, I’m part of the problem.

  • In the next one we’re (I don’t recall anyone specifically – just a lot of people) at a camp and we have a lot of music we’re going to perform. At this point in time I’m stressing out about getting all of the music learned, we’ve had the music for about 3 or 4 days, when we get together to pass out the music folders to keep it organized. The folders are pink and … half the normal height. Not like any folders I’ve ever seen. And someone has a schedule for the learning curve. I look at them and wonder why didn’t they tell us that in the first place and realize how simple it is if we can do it that way. There isn’t any reason to stress. It seems like there is more to this dream that is on the edge of my consciousness – but I don’t seem to be going there at this time.

This one is fairly obvious to me in that I have a tendency to want to do it all yesterday and I get stressed when things aren’t coming together when I “think” that they should. It’s all part of the trust that even though things are not clear right now and some things need to shift – it’s all in the music and I’ll get it learned in the proper order. Just like there are a couple of different ways to learn a piece for performance – so is there a plan for life. The trick is to know and trust my own style – not someone else’s.

  • In this one there was a picture reference where I am trying to get a picture to look a certain way and it is from one place and I want a different one and I keep trying to get to the one i want.

I think this is another way of saying the same thing as the last dream as well as being able to re-frame how I see things and look at or for the original issue if there is a problem. When I go to the source I can change it all.

  • In this last one my grandmother was choking on a mint and she coughs it up but when I get over to her head is severed and laying on a pillow but she’s still alive. I can see the bottom of her neck and I’m kind of surprised that it looks like it has … cellophane covering the bottom of it to hold all of the blood and other contents in. I also know that we’re just going to put her head back on. I’m talking to her and she’s smiling – she thinks it’s kind of funny the way this happened – like she coughed her head off????? I’m surprised that she is here – I know that she is dead and I’m trying to figure out what is happening.

OK so this one has me a little stumped. I’m not sure what, if anything, she is trying to tell me. I realized that yesterday I actually “learned” to whistle the way my daddy used to. I say learned because one of the boys was trying to do it and I was showing them the technique and it actually worked. It’s also incredibly loud and shrill. I was really tickled since it had been years since I had tried to even do that. Maybe that’s all it is :)

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By Kira Wagner | Posted in Religion, Science | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

Nightmares – are they really?

July 29, 2006

Last night again, all I can remember was being in a room full of people dressed in evening wear and having a wonderful time.

This feels like it may be a portend of something coming and the fact that it is so repetitive is that I don’t – there is a sense that I don’t believe it. Goodness it’s been such a long time since I’ve been in a group where everyone in “dressed to the nine’s” as it were. This is one that is part of the faith in picking up one foot and putting it down in front of the other and believing that as long as I stay open and receptive to the direction God leads that it’ll be where I’m best able to “be”. That’s along the line of Maryanne Williamson and the Bible and so many other wonderful writers – - let your light so shine…

Other thoughts: I know one of the beliefs with respect to dreams is that the dreams having elements from the day in them (the movie I watched or the event that happened) are just a regurgitation or processing of the days event and have little significance; additionally the “nightmares” or “scary dreams” are our fears showing up – coming from the fears inside of us. What if they were coming from our Higher Self, our Spiritual being, our Soul? As for myself I have found that there is no such thing as a nightmare. The “bad” dreams that I used to have as a kid were lessons that my spirit was trying to help me understand.

For example, I used to have this reoccurring dream that the walls were covered with hundreds of faces that were all talking in voices that were soft, gentle, essentially easy on the ear. In short order, the faces began to move around the room – much like a carousel. At the same time they began to distort and grow louder. Eventually they would be of tremendous size, speaking in tones that were unbearable and hideous to look upon. At that point I would wake up. I had this same dream for years and each time I would have it I would have to do something to redirect my thoughts in order to fall asleep. Most of the time I would get a book and read until I fell asleep with the lights on which didn’t make my mom to happy while I was still at home. One day, during a process with a friend Royce, I saw the source of the dream in the decisions made at the funeral parlor when my father passed away right after my fourth birthday. The distortions were related to the fact that he had passed away from a brain hemorrhage and had been made up with a wax makeup and didn’t look like himself at all.

Once I had the skills to access the dreams, things began to change drastically. Once I decided there were no “nightmares” —- there haven’t been. It all goes back to choices and decisions as I discuss in the Freedom blog.

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By Kira Wagner | Posted in Religion, Science | Tagged , | Comments (0)

7/28 – Last night

July 28, 2006

Well today I don’t have any real titles for this and we’ll see how it all plays out. I’ve finally caught up to the present and what I have to share will be real time.

One of the things that I have written in the book is that there are many different interpretations on dreams – the most important thing that I have come to discover is that it has to be what comes from the inside with respect to the meanings.

Last night I had a couple of dreams that I recall parts of —

The first one was that I was some kind of winged creature – similar to the “bird” that I saw the other day in the documentary “Walking with Dinosaurs” and there were these people who kept picking at my wings with sharp objects trying to tear them.

The second was that I was at an international rehearsal for SAI and I was … coaching?

The third was that I was taking a picture of Dan and he is standing on a slope somewhere and it’s very green and pretty – somewhere that I would imagine Ireland or England would look like and in the background there is someone behind him sleeping in a cage or behind bars.

In reflection: It seems that the one about the wings is my fear of what others will think and do as my business grows. In the second – maybe there is something specific to do with SAI – I just have been away for a while and I don’t see how I can fit it into my life right now. In the last one it feels like it has to do with the kids and things that are going on with them. I’m not sure about the slope though.

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By Kira Wagner | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Comments (0)

July 2006 (through 7/25)

July 28, 2006

 

7/1/2006

I do recall that one of the dreams that I had was that I was to charge aspecific amount for the weekend seminar with several discounts and ultimately they would be paying another amount

 

Last night I had a dream and I don’t remember it – it was full of action and things going on – very “busy”

 

7/2/2006

 

Dream last night had to do with having powers and answers – don’t really remember enough of it to have a handle on it’s meaning…

 

7/3/2006

I’m not sure what is going on with my dreams – unless it’s that I want to take the easy way out to get answers and “just” use them. It would probably work as long as I wasn’t afraid of getting answers other ways. It seems like I don’t want to look at the answers that other people have because someone might think that I’m “copying” them. Someone had said that too me too – something about not reading Byron Katies work until I’ve been doing this for a while… As long as I’m afraid of where the answers come from why should I have any???

 

7/4/2006

 

Dream last night – PW and Mel are talking and PW and I get into a big argument about how to do things and how to see things and I am not letting him “just talk” to Melanie – I’m upset that it comes across as business as usual.

 

7/7/2006

 

Dream last night I’m at Jackie’s and there are people with her – they are around her bed the conversation is about the fact that her eyes are bandaged and she is talking about being able to feel how some dead guy is feeling she can feel his heart beat and the blood running through her veins – then everyone is leaving the room and it’s as if I just get there and they all leave the next thing is that I’m going to work and I’m a nurse and I go to take a bath I just want to be alone and fix my eyes to rest them and I’m running the water while I’m in the tub and there are other women there and one of them comes to the tub and starts cleaning off her cutting board with her food on it in my bath and then another comes and starts to dump something in there and they aren’t listening to me when I tell them not to do that so I get out of the tub and put on a robe and start to sort of dump their stuff back on them and all it does is make them mad and they are trying to fight with me. At first I’m just dumping ice water one them and the like but after that they are in my face and I break their wrist it isn’t like there is a lot of fighting really it’s more insidious than that really; then one of them is smoking a cigarette and tells me that she is going to burn me if I don’t leave her alone. I have my hand on her face where my fingernails are on the bridge if her nose against the edge of her right eye and she sticks her cigarette under my robe and at first I’m afraid of how it’s going to feel then I don’t care and I don’t feel anything it doesn’t even affect me ……. There is another part before I am disturbed in the tub where I can see a number of them and they re are several that are eating some kind of paste wax out of a tube and I can’t understand why they are doing that to themselves …….

There is something about them dumping their stuff on me and I don’t want to say anything, then I’m giving there stuff back to them and it’s just making them mad…………so I’m methodically disarming them and when they threaten to hurt me I’m afraid at first and I find that it doesn’t even affect me…….

I think it all has to do with realizing that I have to trust what I see and feel inside of myself and then be willing to “hurt” them as it were, to get them to hear or see what I’m saying. My challenge is to do it from love always and never from fear or in retaliation of pain

 

7/9/2006

 

Dream last night – I’m in a room with other women – one’s even pregnant – and there’s some kind of disagreement – something about Jesus leaving – and I don’t want to talk about it – so one of the women starts to walk out and I start talking because I’d rather risk talking about it than have her leave – and I said to them that it was more like Christ said there will always be two to take his place when he leaves us here – the Holy Ghost on the inside and at the people around us.

 

This is kind of like the tree falling in the woods – if we can’t see (recognize) love around us because of what is inside of us – does that mean that if we don’t see it we don’t have it on the inside? That one feels like a paradox or a judgment call since I’ve never “not” seen it ….

 

“…be willing to hurt them as it were” I just reread that from the other day and I think that is part of my challenge – it isn’t about “hurting” them which is how I perceive it – it IS about stirring things up – causing discomfort – and in my mind discomfort is hurt.

 

7/11/2006

Dream last night – I’m with a bunch of friends in some kind of hotel – near the ocean and it starts raining. The next thing I know it’s flooding and the waves are hitting the doors – we can see the water coming in on the lower atrium levels and trying to figure out if anyone is down there getting washed away. The water keeps rising and there are all kind of snakes everywhere. Some I can’t see below the water surface – two of them get inside of me – the bigger one goes in on my left front side just between the bottom two ribs. The other one goes in on my left thigh just above the knee cap. The next thing I remember is that I managed to break them off but not until a significant amount of their body in inside me. Then the waters subside and there are a lot of people around coming back into the buildings in some kind of snake line – like one person is holding the next person’s feet and they all seem to be slithering back into the building – there are a couple of guys that appear to be characters similar to those out of a Jamaican area and then there is this blonde model type – I’m freaking out at the way it looks trying to stay out of their way because I’m in some kind of hall or narrow passage way as they come through – I’m asking them what they are doing… – more like accusing them of doing something wrong when the blonde goes by. She’s the last one in the line and they stop and she looks at me like I’m some kind of moron and sits up and shows me this unit that she has strapped to her stomach – it creates a stream of water that that they were riding on – kind of like body surfing – and all they had to do was hold on to each other to stay afloat and get back to the building. I didn’t say anything – there’s something about the fact that it’s still too much like a snake – I know they aren’t but I’m afraid. Then there is this guy that offers to pull the one that’s left in my side out – there’s like an inch or two that is sticking out of my skin and it’s all withered – like dry bamboo. I don’t know how we’re going to get the other one out because it’s flush with the skin and we can’t dig it out since so much of it is inside. I’m supposed to get on this table and lay down so that he can use a pair of locking pliers to grasp and pull the other one out but I’m afraid because there is so much of it in there – I’m afraid of how it will feel as well as what if it doesn’t all come out – that piece is the only hope of getting to all of it.  I take a step back away from the table and there is someone behind me and I step on his shoe realizing that I can’t back up any further and that’s when I wake up.

 

This one is all about getting to the heart of things and knowing that I have to “go through it” before I can get to the other side of the lesson if you will. With the speakers boot camp coming up there is a lot of stuff that we’ll be doing that have to do with improve and that relates to really being present and connected with the audience. I am not looking forward to it!

 

7/13/2006

Dream last night – I don’t remember much but it had a lot of people in a room milling about and talking to one another – seems like they were dressed in evening wear

 

 

7/17/2006

Dream last night has something again to do with a room full of people it feels like I’m dressed in a white evening gown and drinking champagne – just a lot of people in the room – and I am not readily recalling anything else

 

7/19/2006

Dream last night in a big house and lots of rooms and beds for people to stay – there are people that come over and they don’t know what they are going to do for because it’s .. late? And then I take them around and show them that there is a lot of space where they can be comfortable it’s a very cool house with a loft, an attic, lots of unused space – kind of like I would imagine some ski lodge in the summer. At some point I am in a car with someone else driving and … it’s inside? Then we come to this area where it’s like a doorway and the guy driving is going to go through but I keep trying to tell him not to and he does anyway – as we drive through the area is almost like some rickety old shaft and we start to fall – everyone is really afraid and I can even hear the people staying with us yelling. The next thing that I know is that we hit bottom and the car is no longer drivable but we can all walk so we get out of the car and walk forward and there is an opening and we walk out – and we’re on a hillside. We sit down to rest – thankful that we’re all ok and we see the house – not that far away so we begin to walk back. That’s when I wake up to the phone ringing.

 

This feels like it’s about having a lot of people around again – lot’s of the dreams are that way lately and I’m not sure where it’s going or coming from as well as the fact that no matter what happens it’s still recoverable. Things are going ok – but it’s a bit before all of the pieces come together.

7/25/06

This time I’m in some kind of gold ball gown talking with a lot of people…….

I am not sure about the meaning of these dreams that have to do with talking to all of these people but I loved the look of the gown! I just wish I could draw :)

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June 2006

July 28, 2006

 

6/7/2006

Dream last night was about being in some kind of complex and knowing where everyone lived – the thing about a lot of women and finding out what their apartment numbers were. There was something else about blood – like starting my period – and a bathroom with no door and I’m sitting on the toilet and some guy comes and sits across from me and starts to talk to me and it just is like it’s no big deal.

I don’t know if it was about my Mom or chorus – it’s like looking for a sense of community – I wonder what I’m doing to create the availability of friends – there aren’t many around here – no one to just hang with and talk to – no one that I go do things with it’s always about doing things alone. On another note – the Lord’s prayer – he says – when you pray, pray on this wise – Our Father, which art in heaven … and that “our” makes God, my father as much as he was Jesus’.

 

6/8/2006

Dream last night given some scissors to cut up a paper in a geometric design and it was a hexagon – it was about dividing things up – or dividing up the family???

 

Second one was about getting prepared for some —- thing? Journey? And like getting clothes and food the clothes were like military fatigues and the food – all of the titles or names had been changed to numbers and there were 500 items that we could choose from – when I would go to look at the lists and the maps of where to go everything had changed and they had covered it all with post it notes so you could removed it to see what it WAS but it didn’t help because I couldn’t tell what it IS.  Someone was messing around laying down on the conveyer belt to get down the line and their head was too big to fit in a section that had narrowed down – they had on an old fashioned military helmet and that is what kept them from moving and they never took it off – I’m not sure why – and there was someone else that was really tiny and they could lay there and make it just fine and we were laughing about it

 

It’s as if everything has changed and keeping the “protective helmet” on makes the journey harder. It isn’t protecting anything at all really – it’s just keeping me blocked from the spirit of God.

 

6/9/2006

 

Dream last night – I’m in some house that is like at ground level or below ground because there is a tree outside and there are stairs to walk up to get to the ground level outside – anyway – I’m checking out some kind of musical keyboard that I don’t understand how it all works – it’s built in some circular fashion and there are a lot of wires that are able to be attached – but I don’t realize that until I see some guy come in and play it. I’m babysitting a baby boy and another young kid who’s maybe 11 or 12 and it’s late at night – the baby is really dirty so I am going to give him a bath before putting him to bed. I set him down and walk away to check on something – maybe some noise and I’m gone maybe 2-3 minutes – when I return the baby is totally clean, his hair is damp – like towel dried and he has clean pj’s on – I’m trying to figure out how it happened and there is something about him knowing that I wanted him clean so he ‘made it so’ … the next morning I’m talking to someone and looking at the keyboard again and the older boy is there too and I’m asking him questions – time is slipping away and one of his friends comes by to pick him up and we have him come in too – the next thing I know is that it’s almost time for school to start and the boys haven’t even left the house so the other adult and I are talking about the fact that it’s our fault they are late and maybe we should get them there the ‘other’ way – but is it ok to let the other kid know what we can do – we decide that it’s ok and we find out where to “drop” them off at and ‘send them to school’. Then I go there and there’s someone with a rocking chair that is on the sidewalk – and it is in the way of people walking – there’s a conversation about how to arrange things to keep people safe – that’s when I woke up.

 

I am in a quandary with what to do next. There’s networking and the time that is involved plus what it really means – the question is can I do what needs to be done without loosing myself AND is that where I will best spend my time?

 

6/10/2006

Dream last night I’m at a church function and my mom is there and there’s a group of young people singing and messing around and Mom starts crying because Gloria isn’t there so Karen sit’s her in a chair and I go over and talk to her and we’re talking about how Gloria’s doing and that it’s just that she’s sorry that Gloria didn’t get to have more fun here before she died. There’s also some other part where I’m talking to my uncle on the phone.

 

There is so much to do on the book.

 

6/15/06

I don’t remember last nights dream clearly – or the night before – I just remember that there was a beautiful horse, a powerful mountain lion, a single wolf and a protective golden retriever and they were all my friends. We were in a field and they were all standing there together waiting for me to tell them what I wanted / needed them to do – to take me – they needed no “harness” or any restraint – we could communicate just by thought.

 

6/17/2006

Dreamed I’m sleeping at a friends place – and they are in Hollywood – we’re on these beds that are clear  and some kind of plastic but it doesn’t feel that way – they are really comfortable – anyway – I’m talking to a friend about the workshops and what we’re going to be doing and how excited I am and we’re planning all of the details and then I am looking for a place to through something away and I finally find a garbage can – it’s on a set and I meet someone and we get to talking and she says that she had done that kind of thing – they even had a show about it but now they are too old and it just wasn’t going anywhere – and I’m asking myself – why in the world am I in Hollywood and doing nothing with it – this is where I’ve wanted to be all of my life and I’m just hanging out – then next thing I know someone there asks me to get something for them – so I do – and then someone else asks if I can help with something else so I’m standing up there holding up some post and then this group comes in to sing Amazing Grace and I’m listening and cringing cuz I could do it better and another group comes in to sing and one of them is like a cross between a couple of other women I know that are singers and sees me and says that we’ve got a ringer in the room –they need me to be in the group – so the director tells me to go get something suitable on so I’m running around the wardrobe area looking for clothes, a wig and make up when some gal stops me and is making fun of the fact that this “nobody” is trying to be “somebody” and I stopped and looked at her and said something about being able to make it – and it had to do with her not knowing her own value to say something mean spirited to someone else – so then I’m out there and the next scene is that there are two assistants who are helping me go get more prepared for the next scene and I’m telling someone about some autograph that I got for the kids

 

6/18/06

Didn’t remember much just that there was a pig that ran away – there was a pig that had been roasted but – almost like it had been bronzed – very decorative and there were lots of other pigs – very pretty – soft and clean and sweet, I could touch them – they were like pets and there were also these tiny horses that were on reigns like reindeer – there were 8 of them I think and the front 4 were doing tricks – like flipping over backwards and I remember thinking I don’t know how they can do that – like how in the world – horses aren’t able to do that – and there was an answer of – but we can / yes we are doing it so what now.

 

 

6/19/2006

Dream last night – was in some restaurant that seemed like a medieval castle theme – talking to a gentleman and he was getting ready to have dinner – the table was set for 6 it was to be him and 5 women – there seemed to be some confusion as there were 6 but one was sort of hiding and said that she wasn’t really expected – wasn’t supposed to be there so she kept ducking out of sight, in the meantime I’m talking with everyone and with the chef and going around and tasting food – like just breaking bits off of the different dishes to see how they taste – what they taste like – and to enjoy them – I’m also hoping that no one really pays attention to me – it isn’t that I’m afraid that I’ll get into trouble – it’s more that I don’t want to offend anyone meanwhile the chef is constantly checking around like he’s looking for someone or has another appointment.

 

6/24/2006

Dream – I had a couple last night but I seem to have let go of the second one … The first one I got the leading role in a musical that I really wanted – I’m thrilled and it’s like something I haven’t felt since I got the part of Dolly Levi, and it was easy then once I got it I began to question if I could do the part since it had been a long time since I had sung. Then someone else said that they wanted the part and how come they didn’t’ get a chance to audition it’s like I got it and it didn’t go to anyone else – and I went onto the set/stage – it was big and open and dark – late in the evening – and I’m walking around and asking myself if I have a right to be here.

 

That’s when I woke up – and I knew that it was about Freedom’s Formula and how it’s all coming together so easily and that I don’t know that I deserve to have the “part”.

 

6/25/2006

Dream last night is that I’m in a choir and on my way to some kind of gathering – I’m in a truck and a friend is driving and we’re talking about plans and stuff and drive through some kind of desert area and stop to eat breakfast. We had bacon and eggs at some truck stop. We went to the place where everyone was gathering – and the different choruses were seated together and I was waving at them there were members from the San Jose chorus and from the Rich-tones, and then I’m trying to get a seat that I can see everyone and the front row seats are all taken but there is a second row seat on the end that is available so I’m going to sit there but I am getting really warm – I decide to take my jacket off – it’s the green corduroy one and I have it on with baggy shorts but I don’t have any other top on. It’s ok to be naked but I’m uncomfortable with it – and I’m holding a large manila envelope in front of myself so that I’m not completely exposed – there doesn’t seem to be anyone saying anything about it – it’s just me that is feeling uncomfortable – so I decide to put a shirt on and I don’t have any of my own so I put on one of my friends white dress shirts – and I don’t even have it buttoned up when I go to stick my wallet in my back pocket and the wallet is loaded with cash (it’s really heavy) and when I do the shorts come down and I’m feeling very awkward in trying to pull the shorts up and button the shirt and tuck it in – I finally get that done and the combination of the shorts and shirt look REALLY stupid so I put the jacket on to cover up the shirt and try to make the shirt and shorts dichotomy not so noticeable – it’s sort of works but still looks really wrong and I’m in the room again and I now look stupid and I’m hot and uncomfortable but I’m not naked…

 

It seems as if there’s something about money as well as exposing myself in vulnerability … is it just ‘being vulnerable” or is it about a forced situation –  exposing something that doesn’t have to be exposed?

 

I think I miss the drama – I miss the music – there is no acting in all of this – it’s just very — naked. Maybe that is the connection between what I’m doing now and the dream. Taking off the shirt and “getting naked” is about drama and that isn’t what it’s all about either though I’m worried about looking stupid and I don’t feel like I can dress the part so I try to wear other people. Part of what I’m about is avoiding other peoples stories or how “they do it” and if I try to put that on I’ll really look stupid because people will know it isn’t me. It’s doesn’t work to be envious of other people’s gifts and talents because it’s like putting someone else’s clothes on – they don’t fit – they just don’t work for me and they make me out of balance – out of truth – out of integrity.

 

6/26/06

Dream last night about clothes – and that I had a lot of outfits that were like long caftan robes with silk pants and the one that I was wearing was a purple/blue and silver ornamentation

 

6/27/06

Dream last night  about a lot of ¾ inch video tapes with information on them and they were for the network – I’m at the office and I get them all wet and I’m really worried about it and I’m talking to Susan trying to figure out what to do since I don’t want Sharon to find out.

 

It’s as if I’m struggling with the changes that are going on in my life still – things have changed so much in the last 15 months it’s amazing. The bigger part of it is that it’s still in the process.

 

6/28/2006

Dream last night about changing the program – that I could change direction – do something different – trouble recalling the details

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May 2006

July 28, 2006

Again – the names have been changed :)

5/4/2006

Last nights dream – I think it started with doing the TRT® meditation using the Cosmic Symbols that I know and on the 22 Pattern Cosmic Symbol (the first one in the sequence) I kept loosing my place at this one spot and seeing some – like piece of paper that had a couple of marks on it on the left hand column – these looked like other symbols and I’d try to make them out without any success. After this happened at least 3 or 4 times – it was like I couldn’t even remember what the last thing I had done was – I finally decided to try and see what this distraction was all about – I ended up falling asleep and having another odd dream.

I’m at some kind of camp and we are divided up into 4 groups – each one is performing in front of the other three – the second group is up there and they are doing the same thing as the first group. We were just given the words that morning to the song and it’s like they all have this memorized and they just “know” this choreography (which is more like a Buzby Berkley / military number than anything else) So I’m sitting with a friend and she says that if I’m going to be singing around her could I not breath too much on her? I started laughing and said “So I should brush my teeth, huh?” and she smiled and said “yes”. So I go take care of that and when I come out we’re on the parade grounds rehearsing our number. I am walking across the ground and thinking 2 things -  1 is that I’m not comfortable because I didn’t work on this song and the other is that it’s just odd – none of us had time to work on it and it’s as if it’s already inside of them and they are all exactly the same no one is thinking about anything – I don’t want that as I’m walking by – [I’m not sure if this is fear of not being prepared or if it is the fear of being in that comatose state on the planet that is dying in A Wrinkle in Time] – I keep walking past and I go ahead and take off flying – it’s very warm up there and I can see the one group that is performing as well as our group that is rehearsing – I land on a roof where I can see everything – it’s almost like a barn roof but easier to sit on due to the difference in structure – I am sitting there and I hear a voice that says “how did you do that?” so I answer ‘them’ that it’s not any big deal – anyone can – it’s just what you think that will determine the outcome. Then I hear someone ask is it really that simple – so this time I’m really looking around because I can’t see anyone – and there’s this little frog looking at me – so I answered him and said ‘yes – it’s just what we think and believe about reality that keeps us stuck – if we can really change our thoughts and beliefs we’ll be free to be the person we dream about’. The next thing I know the frog is this little man – a real dapper looking fellow – and I chuckle and say that’s very good – so are you off to be a performer? He looks at me and smiles and says, “Nope, I’m going to be a Mortgage Broker” [there’s something about helping people ‘get’ the home / place to live…] and he turns and walks off. So it’s really comfortable and I start to fall asleep and as I drift off I see that there is a door at the other end of the roof with a long green carpet that leads up to it – I realize that if there is a door then other people can just walk up here too – but I let it go as it feels so warm and comfortable and fall asleep – only to be awoken in by a little girl pouring liquid on me and it stings – when I’m fully awake I grab the container out of her and ask her what she thinks she is doing??? Does she even know what this stuff is? She says that she is supposed to cleanse me – and she looks over at this old lady who is standing there looking like I’ve done something dreadful and says that I need to be cleansed and never do this again, I must go back down there and be part of this group, – it’s like I’ve really committed some awful crime in flying up here and saying that stuff to the frog … the bottle is weird too – it’s has a lot of writing on it that I can’t read in another language and it has the word ammonia on it – I pour it on the little girl and ask her how she likes it – is she going to do something just because this old lady tells her to? Then I leave and as I get close to where the showers are I walk past this guy that is in charge of this whole affair and I look at him and tell him I never want to hear anything out of his mouth – I never want to talk to him. I keep on walking and there is a pile of laundry that has some clothes that I can change into – as I get closer to the shower I realize that I’m going to shower, change clothes and grab a couple of extra shirts and pants and leave – and I’m leaving forever… and that’s when I got woke up by pw coming in the room.

 

5/9/2006

So last night I’m looking for the source of this stuck stuff – the night before last I have an awful night and then the day is tough – so I’m doing a hands on and I asked that whatever it is that is letting me stay in this stuck place come to the surface so that I can do whatever I need to and I can get through it … I keep falling asleep again and I dream

I’m walking with a couple of friends along the new England coast and there are all of these waves – I have gotten my hair done for some swank affair later that day and I don’t want to mess it up – the waves are cresting like just over the edge of the cliff as we approach this one particular area that we wanted to pass through – it was like a outside patio with umbrella tables and people can sit and eat (like at the Getty or other nice structures) the closer we get the higher they are breaking – until we finally decide that we can’t get through without getting wet. So we turn around and go back and I go and change clothes to get ready – it’s some really nice long green evening gown with a jacket of sorts. I’m really tired so I decide to rest on the couch for just a bit and while I’m sleeping I “wet the bed” as it were – but when I get up I don’t change clothes and I’m hoping that it will dry in the breeze outside and no one will notice – when I get to the gathering I am standing with my two friends on some stairs watching what is going on and they are slowly edging away from me and when I turn to look at them one of them is fanning themselves as if to say ‘you stink’ – no one can see the spot on the dress but everyone can smell it – I try to find a place to sit where I can get the back of my dress wet to kind of rinse it out if you will and it doesn’t work – when I sit down I can see this huge yellow spot – and I don’t know why no one else can see it.

There seems to be some other pieces in there about a couple of my cousins doing all of this stuff emceeing and such and I am upset that they get to do this when they didn’t even go to school there – then there are the kids and they are having a great time together…

 

In reflection: So it seems that I’m trying to avoid getting wet – staying looking good from all of this outside stuff and what is inside – what I’ve done to myself is what the bigger issue is – no one ‘sees’ the stain but everyone ‘smells’ it – and I STILL have a headache. As I write the reactions to the radiance stuff and how I feel about it – it’s like I don’t want the responsibility there is a sense of having to “be” the example and I’m not that perfect – my jaw hurts – I just want to quit everything – I’m reminded again of the scripture let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your father which is in heaven – there are so many things that I don’t see how to complete not the least of which is the music for the cd then there’s the books then then then

 

The stuff on the outside that I worry about is so insignificant compared to what is inside that keeps me from moving forward

 

5/11/2006

So last night’s dream was about getting to the gate to pay for ben’s entry fee in the race as a jocky and all I remember of this one is that I was running late and having some kind of trouble getting to the building – when I finally got there I had to scramble through this crowd and I could see his dad was in line to make the payment – I think I got to the window just in time to pay so his dad didn’t have to – I know that was one thing that ben didn’t have to worry about – or that was taken care of…………

 

I think it was triggered by the action of loaning someone some money last night and how I shared stuff with ben to help him see what might be going on for him and I didn’t want his dad to pay the money – this is really one that I wanted to take care of.

 

5/12/2006

Last night I had a dream that was about – being in a play and it rewritten just before opening so that many of the cast were let go – I was supposed to have a partnered dance number someone who was cut – and at first didn’t know what I was going to do – I can’t possibly do some of these moves by myself, I was thinking to myself – well what CAN I do? I decided to see how it felt and found that I could do all of the moves and with little effort it took the shape of some kind of ice skating routine – though it was on a very slick hardwood floor and I had to think about moving different muscles to get the directional momentum that I needed – kind of like isometrics … and when I sat down after the routine it was next to a friend and they were saying how great it had turned out. The setting was some large “cozy” ballroom – cozy only because there was a LARGE old fashioned fireplace and it had a very warm feeling. Then the dream shifted to being outside and digging up a large area to plant a young willow tree – the soil where it was being planted was very rich and soft – easy to dig up but I noticed that there was the remains of an old tree in there that you couldn’t see until just before we were ready to plant – I remember thinking that I didn’t have to worry about digging it all out as I knew that when the new tree took root and began to grow it would push the other old roots and stump up and I would be able to remove it easily

Personal thoughts on this dream – 1) I’ve heard that dreams that have events from the day are primarily just regurgitation – but what if our higher selves or souls are using things we know or relate to to provide answers and lessons so ultimately there is no such thing as “just a dream” 2) It’s my inner work that creates the beauty of the dance in life and I can dance my own dance 3) Since I’ve worked so much at getting to the root of all of the junk in my life I’m now getting to the point where planting the “tree of life” and watering it and nurturing it will, of it’s own accord, bring the old stump and roots to the surface and it will be easily removed as the new tree grows.

 

5/22/2006

 

Dream last night – sitting at a networking meeting and there are a couple of speakers and then there is a hula that’s really bad – whoever it is is wearing some blue ruffle trimmed outfit and can’t hula for beans – it’s like they didn’t even try?? And then I’m in some store looking for a new swim suit and there are a few different ones in green and there’s one that I really like but it’s the last one left and it’s a 6-8 and I know that it’s too small and as I’m looking at the size 12’s she starts closing shop and putting things away and won’t let me buy anything because it’s closing time and there isn’t anything I can do.

I know part of it is about being so concerned with appearances and the other part is that time’s run out and I can’t buy anymore. That last part only came up as I was typing this so I am not sure that it’s fear or intuition. I was thinking about the fact that mom’s white count is so high and it’s going to take a lot for her to fight it and I don’t know if she can – she seems to want to so it’s still up in the air – I can’t buy it for her.

 

5/26/2006

Dream last night – looking in a trunk – putting things away and there is a sense that something is missing so I put my name in code in the trunk to open it and there are 6 or 7 trunks that have the same code – it’s like opening the same trunk but it opens to 6 or 7 different people – I call other people over to show them that I’ve put in my name and the stuff inside isn’t all mine – but part of it is???? Then there is a cell phone that doesn’t belong to me so I’m sitting there with it and admiring how decorated it is and there is a 7 digit phone number that shows up so I’m not sure if that is the one that belongs to the person – I’m just about to turn it off and restart it when a gal comes walking around a corner as if she is looking for something and I hold the phone and watch her walk up – and I’m trying to show her that I didn’t just take it – it was with my stuff. It’s as if each of the trunk loads had stuff that was mine and stuff that wasn’t – notably the stuff that was mine in the different trunks is stuff that I haven’t seen in a while.

As I put this in the blog today – 7-28 – it feels as if it was the awareness that things were getting ready to change with my mom’s death being a couple of days away only I didn’t see it that way being in the middle of it all.

 

5/27/2006

 

Dream last night – there’s a shipwreck and a lot of kids – all of the adults were dead and we were taking the kids home – I didn’t know how we were going to teach them – and then I found a book that had sign language and Braille and decided that we would have weeks when we would only communicate in sign language to learn something new.

The ship was really spooky when we found it covered with all sorts of junk mouse droppings old wood and just junk.

 

5/29/2006

 

Last night was about some kind of gathering that had to do with performing and the audience didn’t have many high rollers in it – they were scheduled to come another time – I was in front having the group do some kind of choreography and then there was this lady that had passed out on the ground so we had stopped and waited for her to be revived and there was something about not getting in the way of what the doctors were doing – kind of like keeping everyone out of the crowd area

My mom died on the 30th.

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April 2006

July 27, 2006

Keep in mind that all names have been changed … :)

4/1/06

Dream last night – something to do with PLA and talking about how it looks

Know that I have the power. See a button feel my way through it – what’s the mirror – process. Simple – not necessarily easy.

 

Back to the dream – not remembering the details – I’m waking up the last two mornings and going right into the day plus there’s an ego issue of how I can remember my dreams better than pw – I’m so good.

 

4/2/2006

Last night I had asked the question of whether I was on the right track or was I just spending money and kidding myself – doing things from a selfish place – and I had the following dream

I’m fixing an engine in a car that was loose and rattling and would fall apart if it kept going that way – as I pull it out (good thing it was a dream because I just picked it up with my hands and it looked more like something to do with electronics than mechanics) I find that the main thing wrong is the nuts and bolts are very loose and it takes me time as I examine it and tighten them all up – - – - and seeing the parallel of how I am really putting my life in order that it will be able to run smoothly and efficiently when I step on the gas.

Then there is something about a bunch of presents and friends in a car from TX and having to preserve these gifts in water –

4/5/06

Dreams last night were – about having a dog and a baby with me and flying through the universe and the only way to see what was happening was to get back to the source – the beginning of creation – so in the dream we’re speeding back through time until we see the creation

Interesting to note that I didn’t write it down right away and was able to go back to sleep and still remember as well as dream again

In this other dream there was something about a fireplace and p working on getting it going and it getting messed up and he burned his arm – like the burning wood fell on it – and I’m telling him to put ice water on it because I had to get the baby???

 

4/6/06

last night I asked myself and God what is it that is still in the way – what’s the things that are keeping me from “feeling” how perfect life is – the perfect joy – the perfect freedom – what are the key fears that I need to look at. It’s like nothing is really “wrong” in fact things are looking quite good. And maybe it’s that I’m not making all the money yet and I don’t feel like the speaking stuff can be that “easy” as well as I do get frustrated when I try to make it easy and the members don’t get it (more on that later)

So I had a dream that I’m going out for the evening with pw and I’m going to go get my hair done – I am first going to go to a store to get something for my hair – while I’m looking there’s a little girl that’s running around by herself and I know her – I can’t force her to go home of “control her” so I am going with her – kind of following along as she goes here and there looking at different things – we go into a store like Walmart and she’s kind of running between all of the adults and bumps into one – everyone is looking at her wondering where her parent’s are and who’s supposed to be watching out for her – she bumps into rg and he and I are talking about her and that I can’t impose what I think she should do – can’t force her to go home kind of thing – so I’m just trying to watch out for her – and she calls me to look at some clothes – so I say bye to him and go over to see what she is looking at and it’s lingerie and there are a lot of really beautiful pieces but I’m telling her that these can’t be worn out side to dinner and dancing and explaining that it’s because you can see through them and we’re talking about how beautiful they are –

 

About that time I wake up – I’m not sure what the dream was saying but as I write it out there’s a sense that the message that I thought was so obscure is right there in front of my face…

 

4/12/2006

Last nights dream. Call to have a person come to work at my house and tell them that the way to get there is to come to the web site for the exclusive forms, and when he gets there he looks like Steve Martin, then I cut off his head in a kind of wheel cog – with a blade kind of thing – and we have the meat for dinner – then it’s a party and I have a glass giraffe that is on a table and he belongs to dan – his leg gets broken off (giraffe) and I eat it – and the next thing is that the giraffe is standing up again and it has a cast / bandage on the leg – then it’s back to the day and the Steve Martin look alike is back working and I call his office to let him know – and have to tell them he’s at the same address and they are kind of like – oh it’s you again huh? – and then we go through the same routine of cutting off his head. But this time I know that he’s going to come back to life ……………… ok so this one has me a bit stumped – unless it is that what I do that I THINK will hurt or damage something / someone if it does affect the thing can be mended and with respect to the person – it’s only an illusion.

 

4/13/2006  

I had a dream last night and I didn’t remember it – I didn’t write it down right away and then I was awake for at least 2 hours last night. … dream something about AIDS and being covered with sores…

I really think that when I use my dreams I help myself – heal myself if you will – and when I don’t I choose to let things fester and I am the worse for it.

 

4/18/2006

 

Dream last night – playing with fish – playing with dolphins – playing with a whale – I was the only ne that knew that it was a whale – everyone else thought that it was a building and path.

 

But I left the park and had to get tickets to get back in – didn’t have enough cash the first time – got a few tickets and needed to get more – ran it through some validation machine and the first tickets came out with mirrors so they couldn’t be used anymore. It’s like I would keep them but they wouldn’t apply.

I know that it’s about looking at mirrors there is something about out of sight out of mind – forgetting my dad

 

4/22/2006

Dream about singing with Louis Armstrong climbing up a REALLY tall ladder/tower and sitting on some chair in heaven doing Hello Dolly then I’m talking with an actress/singer that I know and yet this is before she has reached the pinacle of her career. She is worried about being able to make it – she’s very young – I just look at her and smile and tell her that I know she will succeed – just keep moving and it will come together – I know – I’ve seen it.

another dream – working with 4 boys on a stage – they are a quartet – and there is a circus of junk going on – people interrupting, making noise – little kids playing on a piano – just a cacophony and we can’t get to the rehearsal with so many distractions and so much noise so finally I tell everyone to clear out – we have work to do and if they can’t or won’t I will remove them by force if necessary, – interesting note that I have 4 boys all of them have challenges that are more notable. Then I’m standing on a sidewalk looking at down the street watching a young kid – I think it’s a boy – riding their bike really fast and they loose control of the bike and fall of – I’m thinking that they are really hurt and so I start to go over to them and then I see that they have lost both their arms and legs in the fall and I screamed and woke myself up. In this section I know that there is something about being helpless to “do” now that they have no arms and legs – there’s also more about “who they are” … time will tell

 

From the meditation between the two dreams – I will never know the joy of the music that I seek until I am one with it, that I know I will achieve the things I seek – just be at peace with the process/journey – that I need to see the whole man not the fairy tale version in order to … move forward / see more clearly … that I choose to let all the awareness, consciousness, knowledge from my total journey come to the forefront to be used, sourced and made manifest in my life, that the ability to see is also a choice

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By Kira Wagner | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)