OK maybe that’s going a bit overboard with the metaphor but you get the point.

In a recent discussion, someone told me that two teachers in a relationship with each other weren’t necessarily a good match because they were always “telling each other what/how to do___”…because that is how teachers teach.

The simple fact that it DID upset me spoke volumes.

As I thought about it I realized that the best teachers guide their students on a journey of self-discovery. They understand their subject and students so well that they can formulate questions to encourage them to find their own answers. While there are times that some details may be necessary to provide a foundation…that foundation is best laid when the subject is eager for knowledge.

Those teachers that feel pressed to deliver, unqualified or limited in their scope of knowledge may resort to an answer that includes some form of “that’s the way it is”.

Or there is the parental fall back of – “here let me do it for you”, because it’s faster and simpler in our push button world.

I’ve done both in my time. And I can recall the frustration…and guilt, when as a young parent or teacher – I would say or do these things because I felt a lack of choices.

Most often it would be with something that either came naturally to me and I didn’t know how I knew something or some time when I had neglected to plan my time well and everyone paid for my shortsightedness.

On the other hand, I’ve worked as a vocal and speech coach with adults who struggle with presenting themselves, speaking up or performing and seen the results when a well meaning but unskilled music teacher (stuck with being a choir teacher in addition to their regular classroom duties) or parent who told the child to “just mouth it” or “we just need you to sing more softly —- all the time” and that child grew up believing they “couldn’t or shouldn’t” sing or speak out.

I have been fortunate to be surrounded by people who loved what they did, my parents who read to me or let me listen for hours on end to talking books. Music teachers within and without my family who loved to sing as well as teach. I even remember in college when I solidified my love for history. There is little doubt that it was tied to my Western Civ Professor who, for 12 weeks, one short semester, spoke of places and times past from a personal relationship. She had traveled all over Europe and her eyes would light up when she talked about the Parthenon or the Coliseum. It’s been over 30 years and while I admit I don’t remember her name, I remember her passion and love of the subject.

I believe it is the same thing with children. When we share our love of reading, music, math, science, nature…whatever the subject NOT because we want them to love it but just because it flows out of our own love for it – they will pick up on it. We’re not telling them they have to learn something – we’re sharing with them our own enthusiasm. There is no need to force them…because we really love what we’re doing.

So the next time you want to help someone learn a concept, skill or craft, if it becomes a struggle – take a moment and ask yourself these questions:

1. Do I love what I’m talking about?
2. Am I trying to “tell” them what to do?
3. Do I feel like I have enough tools in my tool bag that I can help them discover their own answers?
4. Am I unattached to their results?

If you answered no to any of these – consider asking for outside help. And let me know how it goes.

In the meantime, thank someone today that has inspired you, share a smile with someone you love and find something to laugh about it’ll keep you young at heart.

Love,
Kira