I’m grateful for the light that illuminates the way before me and guides me. Sometimes it’s the sunshine — always its the Sonshine. It just depends on what I’m asking for and where I’m going.
May love and light be yours always!
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Well, for all intents and purposes day 2 is nearly gone but it’s length has shown me so many things to be grateful for…
Here are just a few of the simple things that I tend to take for granted each day – I can see the beauty around me with my eyes, I can hear the music of life and laughter, I can feel the love of a friend or loved one with a simple touch of the hand, I can think for myself and make my own choices / decisions, I can speak my mind and my heart without fear of recrimination, I can use my hands to create and my feet to take me to new destinations…and the list goes on.
So as you log on to your computer and read this message – just stop for a moment and think about all of the gifts that you have – spiritually, physically and financially that made all of this possible…then smile and share that freedom with a friend!
Make it a great day and I will see you tomorrow!
In harmony,
Kira
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Within the US today is “President’s Day” and the hope for a brighter future continues to burn. Two days ago it was Valentine’s Day – a day dedicated to love.
Last night my husband and I entered into a discussion over the Presidential Determination stating that the US will “…furnish assistance …in an amount not to exceed $20.3 million from the United States Emergency Refugee and Migration Assistance Fund…to humanitarian needs of Palestinian refugees and conflict victims in Gaza.” (You can read the complete text here http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog_post/relief_for_gaza/) A question had been posed, “Are we supporting terrorists?” in providing this assistance.
I found myself thinking about competition, taking a stand, being “right”, war, protection, and the list goes on. These ideas remained on my mind and my heart until I fell asleep working on updating my Blackberry software. When I woke the idea of “going first” came to mind and I share this with you…
You can listen to the poem here -
Going First
I can’t possibly go first I’ve been taught so well you see
If I drop my guard, you’ll take advantage of me
I can’t go first for that tiny spark of fear
Will ignite a blaze so strong, the hate will be all they hear
I can’t go first – what a silly, senseless thought
I’ve seen how it’s done and in your web I’ll soon be caught
If I go first in the name love and open up my heart
Will you share your heart with me – or will yet another battle start
If I go first and upon the ground, I lay down my arms
Will it all be in vain and the world still come to harm
If I go first and to my home invite you to enter in
Will you see to my demise and with my death declare you win
I must go first and starting now, relinquish all control
For I had none to begin with, you see love’s the only goal
I must go first and free of fear, open up my heart
For on that road to peace and love – I’m only doing a small part.
I must go first – for truth be told I’m not really the first you see
The foundation has long been laid – long before you and me…
I’ll go first and light the way for my heart has made its choice
I know you’ll walk beside me and we’ll hear each other’s voice
So first or last it matters not when the goal is clear for all
That peace and love may reign supreme as we hearken to the call
Kira Wagner 2/16/09
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Here is a story about trust. trusting ourselves, others and God is the way to create more love and harmony in the world. Those traits are the foundation of peace in humanity.
It is a beautiful afternoon and the sun is shining down while my two friends and I are playing in a garden close to the ocean. The flowers and marble pillars give a Greek or Roman feel to the setting.
After playing for some time, we go down to the shore along the ocean. A storm begins to brew and the water is rising quickly. We begin to run inland but there is a tidal wave coming up behind us. As I look back it seems that within the crest of the wave is a panther and it’s coming after us. As we continue to run, the wave grows in height and finally we yell to each other to run different ways. My friends are on either side of me and each runs off in a different direction as I continue to run forward.
Before much more time passes, an Angel appears off to my right just up ahead of me. She seems to be floating, maybe an inch or two off the ground. She keeps the same distance ahead of me of maybe 5 or 6 feet. After a few moments, she asks if I want to help my friends and stop this tidal wave.
“Of course”, I pant.
She smiled at me and said one word, “Stop”.
“Are you crazy?” I yelled at her. “I’ll be killed if I stop!”
She smiles and continues to pace me for a few more minutes. The conversation repeats itself with one exception – I’m yelling louder and a bit more panicked.
Again, I continue to run. Each time I turn to look at the wave, it seems to be the same distance behind me but the image of the cat is more vivid.
The third time she asks me if I want to save my friends, I simply said “yes” as that is about all the air I had left to utter a sound.
“Then stop running and stand still” she said. “You’re crazy,” I told her, “that wave and that cat will kill me if I stop.”
“If you really want to help them you must stop running.”
By this time, I don’t know if I’m too tired to be afraid or too afraid to care but I take a deep breath and stop running. Another breath and get into a fighting stance with my fists up – thinking that if I have to fight I might as well be ready.
“Now what?” I yelled at her.
She just smiles. It’s almost a Mona Lisa smile that she wears, all knowing and kind, not a mocking or superior smile. Then she says, “Get down on your knees.”
Now I know I’m in trouble. “On my knees?” I shouted at her – “I’ll die!” At that moment, I had a sense that this HUGE wave was ready to crash over me yet – at the very same time – it was suspended. I realized that for all its immensity – its distance, like the Angel in front of me, never varied one inch.
I took another breath and got down on my knees with the expectation that the wave would break over my head but at least my friends would be safe. My ego had kicked in now and I was willing to die to save them. It was not until later that I realized that the Angel never said anything about dying.
“What now?” I asked.
At that moment, one of my friends came up to stand between the angel and myself. My friend seemed to be an Angel herself but smaller, younger – my size.
My friend held out one hand and the Angel took it and she held the other out to me. Upon taking her hand, the three of us were linked; it was as if I could feel the older Angel inside of me.
At that moment, my other friend came up to us. As I watched, she began to walk toward me with a small rectangular paper with a cellophane insert covering a cutout. (This was similar to the “magic windows” we would get in the cereal boxes as kids.) All you had to do is look through the cellophane and everything would be revealed.
She held it up and began to look at me through it. I started getting uncomfortable at this point, as I knew she could see my heart. She continued walking around the back of me and I immediately said “No”.
The second friend paused and the Guardian Angel asked why I wanted my friend to stop.
“Because I don’t want her to see.” I responded
“But, if she doesn’t continue you won’t be able to save your friends.” she answered.
“She just can’t,” I said.
Again, she asked me “Why?”
I was silent for a bit and finally I said, “Because she’ll see the blackness. She’ll see the blackness of my soul.” I was crying by this time, ashamed of what I knew. Ashamed of what they would see once she looked in my back where the scar was on my neck.
It was no longer a matter of not trusting those around me: my husband, my family or my friends. I did not trust God. Moreover, that would come out now. Now everyone would know. I said I believed in God. I talked about how wonderful He is in addition to all of the things He would do for you if only you would let him. But I didn’t trust him myself – and that felt black, dirty – it felt like my life was a lie.
# # #
I realized that the dream was about trusting God more than I had ever trusted Him before. I knew He would take care of others and in a way I knew he would take care of me. However, there was that “but” in there that, as long as I hung on to it, would keep me from knowing total bliss or freedom.
Epilogue – it has been well over a year since I have had that dream but I still recall the whole thing as vividly as if it had happened yesterday. It is probably because I still struggle with Trust. That that I would do…I do not. I see it more clearly now when I start to be pursued by the waves of fear and doubt but sometimes it still takes God a couple of times asking me to quiet down and “be still”.
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No words – just watch
http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/viewmovie.html
May you always find peace and beauty, laughter and love…
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So what is ego? Where is the balance between ego and passion? For that matter what is passion? Is it something that I have / do in the name of allowing “drama” to continue to play a part in my life when it’s no longer visible on the surface? Today I will focus on the ego.
I prefer the definition of ego as “edging God out” to the more stoic and traditional “The conscious and permanent subject of all psychical experiences, whether held to be directly known or the product of reflective thought” compliments of www.dictionary.net and then there is this one “The awareness of self, the concept of I. It is discriminated from soul as being potentially without a conscience…” Found on http://www.theorderoftime.com/spiritual/terms.html And as a third perspective there is a list of potential answers to “what is ego” found here that includes everything I’ve ever thought of – and then some – WITHOUT my own definition http://www.livereal.com/psychology_arena/what_is_ego.htm
I want to expound on the definition that I’ve used for ego, “Edging God Out”—
I feel like every time I get too “full of myself” – what “I” can do I experience little things like – finding myself distanced from people, waking up with a stiff neck, unable to really focus. From a performance perspective I am anywhere but in the “zone”. Then I tend to choose to let myself get caught up in the “good” / “bad” dialogue which serves no purpose. I find processing virtually impossible because I let myself get into the mental dogma of what is going on. In fact, that is exactly what I’m doing here – yet there is a sense of doing this to be able to “see” what it looks like as opposed to running with the feelings.
I’ve done this a lot – I don’t know if it’s true for everyone else – and it doesn’t matter as the best I can do is “clean my own house”.
But back to the subject at hand – since I believe that freedom is simply a matter of choice then it’s a matter of choice to get hung up with the ego and let it run rampant. As I write this there are two butterflies that keep fluttering and dancing outside my window. There is a quality of lightness, an airy freedom in their movement and now they are joined by a third butterfly. They stay in that “freedom” place and maybe that is it. The butterflies don’t try to be beautiful they just are. They are a reflection of God’s perfection. And so am I – the challange is when I try to “make” it look one way or the other. On that point I think that is a universal truth – each of us is a reflection of something so perfect that it is almost beyond our comprehension.
Maybe one day I will be at the perfect place where I can release all of the fear that stands in the way of that acceptance and be like the butterfly.
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